I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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