my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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