you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
