I hate your face
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
