talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
