My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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