The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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