Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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