So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
