Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
