He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
