The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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