we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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