Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
