I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
