You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
