sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
