one two three fourrrrnication!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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