sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
