Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
