I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
