I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
