Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
