so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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