i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize