so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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