right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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