Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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