I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
