Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
