i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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