Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
