I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
