omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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