I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
