My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
