i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
