How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
