I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
