TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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