So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
