This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
