there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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