Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
