What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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