yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Buhtt sex?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
