i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
