I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
