even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
