Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
