I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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