There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
