Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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