My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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