i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
